My mom opened a portal for me

My mom was 22 when she gave birth to be at Galang refugee camp in Indonesia. Just prior to that, she got into a fishing boat and sailed into the open ocean. These are stories I remember, yet as a grown man today, I’m trying to imagine what it takes for someone in their early adulthood to do that.

It’s easy to say she’s a badass, a hero, or brave, yet what exactly is in someone’s mindset to flee their home in such a way.

My mom is damaged.

You don’t make a journey like that and say you’re okay.

Yet in this journey, I was her unborn child. I got to experience this in a deeper way than anyone else. I literally relied on her for life. She was my lifeline.

My therapy treatments turned down the volume, but when I am connected in this moment, I’m able to experience a deeper connection than anything I can relate to.

Time and place.

The time her early adulthood.

The place was the open sea.

What was the most traumatic experience of her life, she sent that signal to me, her unborn child.

I only imagine she looked at death itself, and I was able to experience that, at a deeper level.

In this time and place, a disruption in space and time formed a rift. In that rift, I was born.

One day, I’ll understand the details a bit more. Today, I know that this disruption gives me access to something deeper. I can access it because this trauma is a portal. If I go in, then I have access to a higher level of being.

I’m close to reconciling some of my most recent experiences. Once I understand it, then I can tell my story.